When my husband and I first started dating, he used to always make fun of me and then say he was, “just joking.” It used to irritate me. ALOT.
At first, I wondered if I had a self-image complex. Maybe I was a little insecure or maybe I just misunderstood his unique expression. I am German. Germans don’t joke. Well, I should say we prefer wit over sarcasm. A well-thought-out joke is worthy of praise just like a well-written novel. Germans have an irritating bent toward excellence. I’m also Sicilian; So is my husband, so… yeah (sigh).
Long story short, I tried to make room for his need to be funny but sometimes it just irked me, and I wasn’t sure why the irritation never left. Our way of handling his need for this sort of humor in our relationship was to use a safe-phrase, “Babe, time to put the joke-man away.” In other words, I need a little less irritation and a little more honor.
Turns out, my feelings weren’t all that off base. In fact, if you’re one to feel the same way, it just might be your royalty coming through. At least, that is if you’re a woman. Sorry fellas, no royalty here for you, but there is a warning. Hang in with me just a few lines longer. Especially, if you’re the type of guy who feels the need to joke with women. This piece of advice just might land you a royal wife. Ladies, it will give you permission to be one.
According to Judaism, everything visible is a reflection of the invisible. To put it plainly, what we see here in earth is sourced in Heaven. When we go about our day delivering food to the homeless or helping a neighbor clean up her flooded basement, our physical act of kindness has its source in the supernal attribute of kindness that flows from God. Kindness doesn’t begin down on earth and make its way up to heaven; quite the opposite is true.
The mystical side of Judaism believes there are 10 heavenly sefirot (or “attributes”) that make up the totality of what we experience socially and emotionally. Any emotions you feel like —love, joy, exhilaration, bonding, strength, victory, wisdom, understanding, sincerity—emanates from God’s table. According to Dena Schusterman at JewishWoman.org, “The main difference between the source of the attribute and the way it is recognizable to us is in its potency. Love from above is filtered before it becomes a dispensable energy form. When we finally do get to express love, it’s usually diluted with our own complementing attributes of strength or fear, and sometimes even further modified with a dose of equanimity.”
Putting it plainly, I could recognize my irritation and inwardly assert that energy to displace itself calmly and in equilibrium.
Put in guy speak, my husband’s “love” got lost in translation.
But Schusterman says, “the Godly energy makes its way from its essential state to the practical through the feminine attribute called malchut, “royalty.” The feminine energy is what filters the entire cosmos of expression. In reality, until all of the sefirot pass through malchut, they are but the potent potential of their expression. Love up above is filled with potential; it is only through the feminine energy of malchut that filters love into the practical feeling I can then express with a kiss on my child’s sweet cheek.”
Put in plain speak, without the feminine energy we could not filter the pure flow of God’s love into an energy form that we could express correctly in the physical. (Insert WOW face. Jaw-drop emoji.)
Put in guy-speak, fellas, you might want to put more effort into understanding the feminine energy inside us all than the time you spend telling “Dumb blond” and “Yo Mamma” jokes. (Fist bump.)
Here is what I found amusing. My natural aversion to my being the butt of my husbands “jokes” is actually an earthly expression of something Divine (LOL). It’s like a cosmic joke. All of the important parts of life get filtered through the feminine. And so does our humor.
So here it is ladies and gentlemen, making women the butt of your jokes is no laughing matter—not because we don’t have a sense of humor or enjoy a good chuckle, but because in essence, all women and femininity are the embodiment of God’s royalty. So when you think that a woman seems aloof, reserved or private, what you are really experiencing is her regal nature, her comportment. Ladies, this means if your fella can’t stop teasing you, it’s time his Joke-man gets schooled in How to be a Gentlemen. If not this book, I know one written by a German on How to be Witty (HaHa).
And in that way, well, I guess we women are off-limits. No joke.
❤️ Until the Day Dawns and the Joke-man flees,