I’m never going to be skinny enough. I’m never going to be tall enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, making enough, funny enough, you name it – enough. I am His. It’s the only thing that will ever be enough.
Six years ago, I heard the Lord tell me my husband was dying. At the time, I was sitting in the last row of the church I’d grown up in for the last 32 years of my life. When the whisper came, it hit me like the cathedral ceiling had caved in and my heart stopped beating. Time stood still. It was as if I’d entered a movie put in slow motion and everything around me was suspended in hyper space.
Again the voice whispered, “He’s dying.”
I breathed a deep, deep, deep breath that permeated my soul and shook the depths of my being. I felt every moment of the exhale. I blinked. Then I looked around.
Everyone was in stand still. Like frozen statues in a C.S Lewis novel, the ice queen had captured their hearts and frozen their flesh into stone. No one could hear me scream. No one could hear my cry. No one could feel my soul shake the earth with deep sobs of glory.
I heard my breathing still. Then glory entered into the stillness. “Look around child, I will save you.”
I looked around, an empty tomb, and my husband sat next to me, more still than ever. His eyes were closed, as though I looked at one having been laid to rest in a tomb. He looked peaceful.
“I will bring you peace.” The voice whispered. “Do you want to live?”
I looked blankly at the faces around me. Against the backdrop of catacombs, there was a small glimmer of movement. I heard the cries of my children laughing and playing and the smile of my mother as she hushed them to be quiet and not distract the worshipers. The irony escaped me. Here, among the dead, were three people I loved, fully alive, laughing and living.
“I want to live, Lord. I want to live.”
I looked at my husband once more, knowing the depth of his ache. Seeing the pain of his existence on his face and yet, he looked like an angel. He was at rest.
“Death can be a beautiful beginning, My Love.”
The voice was soothing, encouraging, a friend in the midst of deepest turmoil.
“I will keep you. Only say the word, and your soul shall be healed.”
“I want to live, Lord.” I sobbed at the starkness of the truth. My soul was open before Him and the whole world. “What life is there apart from You?”
“I will teach you then,” I felt a Father’s arms surround me. I knew peace as I’d never known it before. “Come, let me show you. Our time begins now.”
Six years can seem like an eternity to those left among the dying. How could I have known then that death would bring me so much life…
TO BE CONTINUED…
*excerpt from the forthcoming book Waking Eve: Waking Sleeping Beauty by Kim Engel. All copyrights reserved.
💙💛❤️ What about you? Have you ever felt like time stood still around you as you looked on your life? Have you had experience around the walking dead? Share your thoughts on the reading and how it helps you reflect on your own story. I’d love to hear your feedback and your own life experience with “Waking Up.” Leave a comment below in the comments.
Thank you for reading along with me,