My Imperfectly Perfect Marriage

Chemistry has the ability to start a reaction but not to uphold its results. It’s momentary but not solid and secure. A marriage cannot be built upon chemistry alone.

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Chemistry. Such a tricky subject. The mixture of chemicals to induce and produce reactions. When we think about a baking soda and vinegar volcano it just sounds messy but when we think about two people connecting in almost intimate ways it becomes beautiful and desired without boundaries. Unless it is outside of an existing covenant and then there we are again…messy.

My heart has been so BROKEN lately over the joyful announcements of divorces into FRESH NEW LOVE! How easy it seems these days to step out of a covenant and into the arms of another. It has almost become…romantic.

But is it really? Romantic? Is this part of God’s design for love? Is “let no man separate what God has joined together” just a suggestion or fairly tale? Who is spinning the fairy tales here, the Bible or Hollywood?

Two actors/singers sitting at a piano, singing into one another’s souls and echoing into a million other’s.. Oh the chemistry. They NEED to be together. Regardless of who they are committed to now, THEY MUST BE TOGETHER! It’s destiny!

And there my heart lies in a puddle, grieving for the spirit over this age that is led by emotion. An age where falling in love over, and over, and over, with different people is deserved and encouraged.

When the dust settles and the spark fades, the children are still broken and life goes on in it’s broken order. The sex isn’t as exciting as it was in the “run away with me forever” phase. True colors of brokenness start shining through broken pieces of stained glass.

Chemistry has the ability to start a reaction but not to uphold its results. It’s momentary but not solid and secure. A marriage cannot be built upon chemistry. It must be built on love.

“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

‭‭I Corinthians‬ ‭13:4-7‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Marriage cannot be built upon self but serving and preferring one another first. Both husband and wife have a responsibility to choose love.

“Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.

Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5:22-28‬ ‭MSG‬‬

So here is a backstage pass into my imperfectly perfect marriage, even just this morning.

Hubby sweetly woke me to tell me he had made me breakfast. He went to find my robe, but didn’t realize I hung it on the clothes rack in our room, “It’s right here, baby” as I’m putting it on myself and he walks in confused still not able to find it. We continue on into the dining room where he has a beautifully placed breakfast of fried eggs on toast, my favorite, black coffee, and orange juice. Through crusty foggy eyes I try to see well enough to cut my toast. First bite…very salty. “So good, babe. Thank you.” I get through the first piece of toast and I just can’t. I have to be honest. “I can’t eat the rest of this. I don’t normally eat as soon as I wake up. I’m going to gag if I eat another bite. I’m sorry, baby.” Hubby’s face lowers a little. “I tried. I just wanted to do something nice for you.”

Not the perfect scenario, is it? Chemistry isn’t spraying all over the place. But let me tell you something! Baby…keep trying! Your “something nice” to love me is beautifully broken and perfectly imperfect. I pray you NEVER stop. I feel so very loved.

Perfection does not presently exist in human form. Although He did once walk on this planet and led a gang ragamuffins in the way of love. He led them all the way to a hill where He demonstrated love in the most horrifying and violent way. (Again…not how we see love.) Chemistry didn’t lead Him there. Love did.

I think I know what you might be thinking right now. “I’m not Jesus.” “I’m not perfect.” “There is no way I could love someone like that.” “You don’t know my husband.” “You don’t know my wife.”

These are all very real and honest responses. They may even be true! However I do know ME. I am selfish, moody, easily overwhelmed, and many times a real pain in the butt. But I also desire someone to love me in spite of my shortcomings and to not give up on me.

We all desire to be loved in spite of shortcomings. As Jesus showed us, we must be willing to give that love away as well. And to be literal, we are to be willing to give that love first. Not when the other gets their act together or when we feel like it. Love is not deserved. Love is freely given. It’s powerful what love can do and undo. With love all things are possible!

So here is my desire and request. Don’t quit. Don’t run off to what seems to be an easier option. Press through. Break together. And then heal together. Not only will you be stronger, but the bonds of love will go deeper and even the strongest storm won’t be able to destroy it.

Choose LOVE. Even imperfect love. Choose love.

{Note: I know there are situations that are more volatile in nature, where one spouse may be harmful to the other. These situations are going to need more than just the Bible to instruct and bring wholeness. I am not addressing those circumstances in this blog, although I’m not opposed to doing so in a future writing.}

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